Why I’ve been writing here

Today is the day I’ve been writing on this blog for one year.  And… I really don’t see an end in sight – it doesn’t feel like I’ll be running out of steam any time soon.  I’m gonna hope that this is true!

There are a bunch of reasons I started and a bunch of reasons I keep going.  Some of them include:

  • I’m an exhibitionist, in a sense.
  • I really really really enjoy writing.  And ideas keep popping in my head.
  • The more I put into this, the more I get out of it.  That has not been the case for a lot of endeavors I’ve undertaken.
  • I’ve really been enjoying reading blogs by like-minded (and different-minded) individuals on a variety of topics, but mostly blogs about being queer and/or trans* in some way or form.  The blogs I read help keep me going.
  • It has helped me hone my writing / find a voice.  I’ve had pieces accepted for 2 anthologies this year (the process of editing and publishing is currently ongoing), and I’m working on a proposal for a 3rd piece.
  • I want to continue contributing to a body of information that is pretty obscure and hard to find, at least at this time.

Before starting this blog, I was writing epic emails to my therapist, generally on a weekly basis.  For over a year and a half.  I’m talking really really long emails.  Although she always read them – and we often talked about them – she would never reply to me.  She would also sometimes downplay how important they felt to me, referring to them as “notes,” when I would have chosen the phrase, “an outpouring of my soul,” haha.

I rarely ever write to her anymore (sometimes I cut and paste from my blog in an email to her, or ask her to look at a specific post).  I think I was relying on her to fulfill this really specific need (collecting and organizing thoughts through writing, knowing someone’s reading those thoughts), and I’ve shifted it all into this incredible, creative outlet.  She’s probably relieved about it – I know I kinda am, haha.

Before this, I’d never had a blog in such a public way.  I’d had private online “diaries” and mostly “friends only” online journals when I was younger, just about life in general.  But I’d never put this much about myself out into the internet in any shape, previously (my Facebook info and involvement is super sparse, for example).  Sometimes I’ve second-guessed myself.  Sometimes I’ve worried if so-and-so will find this, etc.  But overall, those fears are quickly drowned out by all the positives.  And ultimately, the type of anonymity / level of being out there publicly feels like it’s right where I wanna be.

To many more years!




20 Comments on “Why I’ve been writing here”

  1. urbanmythcafe says:

    You have really contributed to the trans* story that is happening here in cyberspace.

    Prior to the last decade or so, there was no public space where the conversation of “this is what it feels like to be trans” – “this is what it means to be trans” was going on. Partly what has happened, I think, is that “trans” is not altogether what the mental health professionals and medical professionals thought that it is. Everyone of us that contributes to this big conversation that is happening now is participating in a revolutionary intellectual crowdsourcing of trans* identified humanity.

    In short, we are speaking up for ourselves.

    Thanks for taking part in the revolution. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hey, good for you. I know I enjoy reading your posts. I also know how cathartic writing and posting is for me. Congrats, too, on the anthologies. I believe we are going to be in one (Letters to my Siblings) together. Keep writing and posting! The world is a better place for it.


  3. Lesboi says:

    Congrats on your one year anniversary! Your long emails to your therapist remind me of some emails I’ve sent out to my coach and a couple of my friends. I think a lot of us out here have a deep need to be heard and seen and understood…I know that I do. So often in “real life” our friends and family, co-workers, doctors, mentors, etc. don’t afford us the time and space to really get to know us on a deep level and share our truths. Blogging helps us all connect and slowly we’re building a community of support for each other. I really liked what urbanmythcafe said that we’re “participating in a revolutionary intellectual crowdsourcing of trans* identified humanity.” Yep! I like that a lot. Looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts in the coming years.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janitorqueer says:

      Thank you – and that’s awesome you relate to the really long emails, haha. Were yours all pretty much one-sided too?? Yes, I’ve really been enjoying the community of support!


      • Lesboi says:

        Yes they were definitely very one sided. With friends I try to balance that out some but with my coach I figure I pay him to listen to my narcissistic rants lol.


  4. Amy says:

    I’ve really been enjoying following your blog – keep it up!!!


  5. Pixie says:

    Had to go back and look at my original post, couldn’t even remember. Will be four years of writing this December, at least for this particular journal. Not writing about gender though. Even on my own (anonymous) journal I couldn’t write about it until recently. But I appreciate, more than I could ever put into words, everyone who has been far braver than me and able to write publicly about so much of this. A large part of my ability to survive has come from reading about others’ journeys and struggles. Even if I still cringe away from the labels, so much of the experiences are similar enough to make me feel not quite so alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janitorqueer says:

      Wow, almost 4 years! Nice!
      And yes, I agree that without connecting with others’ journeys and struggles, I’d feel very lost and disjointed. Glad to be connecting with you!


  6. Congratulations on your year! You’re a wonderful blogging role model.


  7. Khai says:

    Happy blog birthday! I’m glad you’re here 🙂 I lurk more than comment, but I read pretty much everything you write, and it gives me strength. So here’s too many more years for you!


  8. Happy blog birthday!

    We started writing for similar reasons, except I was trying to find a voice to share my journey with Jeremy. There isn’t anyone I can talk to IRL, the blog is basically it. But through the blog, I’ve been able to make connections, which is a huge help considering Jeremy doesn’t seem to have a clue what’s going on.

    I’ve been enjoying your blog and look forward to reading more posts 🙂


  9. micah says:

    We need more and more voices like you – as you say, same and different minded.

    When I started blogging I felt I was the only one feeling the way I did, so I was compelled to begin a presence. Over the years I’ve discovered many people with whom I can connect. Some were already online way before, many others have been around but not online, and others are brand new to the community. I learn a lot from every single one.

    I know it’s hard to pour your soul out in public, and it’s work to keep it up. But it’s worth it!


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