The last time I saw my doctor / I like your product
Posted: March 22, 2014 Filed under: Testosterone | Tags: doctors, gender identity, genderqueer, hormone replacement therapy, lgbt, lgbtq, medical treatment, non-binary, queer, testosterone, trans, transgender 7 CommentsI went to my doctor’s office one last time a few weeks ago, to get another prescription for testosterone. During this past year of seeing him multiple times (in the beginning, it was so many times), our values and expectations were not at all lining up. My goals and values include communication, follow-through, trust, and respect. As far as I could gather, his values involved maximizing appointment frequency ($$$$$), minimizing face-time, being the expert, and using aggression to barrel through mistakes.
Because of all these clashes, I got myself a new doctor for a couple of months from now. Plus, I have a plan B if that doesn’t pan out. I feel a huge amount of relief to never have to see my previous doctor again! Here is an anecdote from that last visit:
I called on a Friday to ask if I could come in and pick up a prescription the following week. (Because testosterone is a controlled substance, I can never get refills or prescriptions faxed to pharmacies, apparently? So even though I only need to see the doctor / get blood work every 6 months, I have to go every 3 months just to get a new script.) The receptionist asked when I’d want to make the appointment, and I had to repeatedly be clear this is not an appt. I am not due for an appointment at this time. I told her I’d like to come in Thursday to just pick up a prescription. I asked, “Should I call ahead that morning to make sure?” “Yes, that would be good.”
I called Thursday morning to ask if the script was ready. She replied that oh, no it’s still in his messages box. She told me he’d do it once I arrived at the office. I said OK. Once I got there, I waited a while to speak with the receptionist. She and a patient were in the middle of an argument about outstanding bills.
The woman asked how had she been able to see the doctor without paying? There has never been a time he has seen her unless she pays first. This is why she’s not able to see him right now – she hasn’t paid first. So how could she have a debt if he won’t ever see her before she pays? She asked the receptionist to ask him, since she can’t go ask because he won’t talk to her unless she’s paid, at any point in time. She can never talk to him. There was a question about the dates of these alleged appointments, and the receptionist just kept replying that she does not know anything because she’s not the billing department. This circular back-and-forth was making me feel dizzy (I was rooting for her in this standoff, anyway). There were other nonsensical details, but I can’t recall everything. I was focused on myself and getting out as quickly as possible.
The woman stepped aside to call the billing department, so I approached the receptionist just to be like, “Hey, remember me? I’m here now.” Haha. I sat back down and waited for a while. The doctor brushed past the entrance to the waiting room and mumbled my name (maybe?) and for me to step into room 4. My heart started racing. I knew I was about to be bullied into an appointment, and I was prepping to fight back.
I stood up and tentatively walked toward the corridor (because I wasn’t even sure he had been addressing me!) He came back through and directed me to a room. I said, “OK, just to be clear, this is not an appointment. I am just here for the prescription.” “I know, but we have to get you a new blood work form, so it is [an appointment.]” He essentially yelled this as he rushed down the hall to his office. I stood in the room to wait for him, but did not sit down or take off my coat. Once he came in, I asserted, “I had my blood work done in December. So it is not due, and I do not need an appointment at this time.”
He replied, “Oh, it was December? I thought it was June. OK then, you’re right. Well, take this form anyway since I already filled it out. What prescription do you need?”
“Androgel.”
“The Androgel rep is here right now. Go ahead and go back to the waiting room and tell him how much you like it.”
“OK.” ???
I went back out to wait for him to get me my prescription. A young man in a suit and black wool pea coat, with a briefcase, sat kiddie-corner to me. I thought to myself, Oh, what the hell? I like his product 100X more than I’ve liked anything else I’ve ever been prescribed. I guess I’ll tell him…
“Hey, I like your product,” I said, nodding my chin his way.
“Oh, you like it? Great. It’s a good product.”
I sat there feeling smug and tough, for some reason. I guess because everything was feeling increasingly surreal, and instead of shutting-down to it, I participated in the absurdity.
The doctor finally came out and gave me my prescription. He said, “Did you tell him how much you like it?”
“I did.”
And then I finally got to walk out the door.
Continued quest to find a new doctor (a good fit?)
Posted: February 26, 2014 Filed under: Testosterone | Tags: coming out, doctors, gender identity, genderqueer, health care, hormone replacement therapy, lgbt, lgbtq, non-binary, physicians, testosterone, trans, transgender 11 CommentsI have been seeing a doctor that I don’t like for about a year, in order to access testosterone. I’ll be going to his office tomorrow actually, hopefully for the last time. For a few weeks now, I’ve been actively trying to find a doctor that I would want to go to. My therapist thought she had a good lead on someone who works with trans* patients, but it turns out this person works with adolescents and young adults. Whoa, when did I stop being a young adult?!!!! According to this doctor, it’s when I turned 27.
I really wasn’t sure where to start. As far as I was aware, I had exhausted my resources for trans* specific health care. Ideally, what I’d have done next was turn to all my local trans* friends, and ask them who they see and who they’d recommend. But, I’ve been out of the loop for a while now, and it felt daunting to drop in on a social group or support group just to ask about this. So I turned to my local gay alliance’s resource webpage and wrote down the names of a couple of “LGBT friendly” doctors. I narrowed it down somewhat arbitrarily because, hey, I gotta start somewhere.
I called the first number and left a message. Then called again 2 days later. And again the beginning of the following week. And a 4th time the next day. My faith was waning; it hit me it was probably a really bad sign I couldn’t get through to anyone. I finally got a message back from them, but I’d started to lose interest and was already moving on to the next doctor.
I got through immediately and asked if this doctor was taking new patients? I was told that if I’m a friend or family member of a current patient, then yes. Or if I was being referred to her by a doctor of any sort, then yes. Wait, you need a referral for a primary care physician?!! I asked, “In what form should this referral take? Like a note from a doctor or an email?” “No, you just tell us their name.” I said OK thanks and hung up.
So basically, I can see this doctor through the powers of nepotism and name dropping. (Warning, I’m still highly suspicious of doctors. Doctors, please, prove me wrong!) I felt more determined than ever to see this doctor, just on principal, because I think this policy is fucked-up. She should either be taking new patients or not taking new patients. Period.
I called my therapist (technically, she’s a doctor) and asked her if she would refer me to this doctor. She said sure, she’d do whatever, and that she’s never heard of needing a referral for a PCP. She suggested that maybe I just misunderstood, and they just want to know how I heard about / was referred to this doctor. So when I called back, I gave them the benefit of the doubt, but it was reinforced that yes, I need a verbal referral.
I then said that I have a therapist who will vouch for me. (The term “vouch” was never actually used, but that’s what seems to be going on?) I was then put on hold, and they seemed to be attempting a stalling tactic. She (receptionist) said she is short staffed and busy, could I call back Thurs. or Fri. of this week? I was assured that I’d be able to make an appt. at that time, and I was directed to name-drop whoever at that time.
So I followed these directions and finally got an appointment! (For 3 months from now.) A few days later, a packet of paperwork arrived in the mail, and I immediately opened it and started to peruse. Their pamphlet states, right on the cover, “Designed by Women / Delivered by Women / For Women Like You.”
Whaaaaa? Apparently, I got myself a doctor through a women’s health group without even knowing it! I just have to take a giant step away from this situation and laugh. And laugh and laugh some more.
Is this going to be a good fit? I thought it through quite a bit, and decided that I’m going to try it. And I’m going to make my decision based on the doctor, and not the Women thing. Because really, although I am definitely not a woman, I am closer to a woman in some ways, and closer to a man in other ways. And being at this health center is not going to mess with my identity or psyche or ego.
As long as they can understand what I am saying to them, as long as they can use my preferred name and male pronouns, and as long as I’m getting good treatment, I will be proud to go here.
(And if it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out.)

