11 months on T without physical changesPosted: February 18, 2014 Filed under: Testosterone | Tags: androgyny, gender identity, genderqueer, hormone replacement therapy, lgbt, lgbtq, non-binary, testosterone, trans, transmasculine 4 Comments
Today! I am happy to be able to say that I have not seen any new changes. For reference, here are posts from 5 months and 8 months – There are a lot of specifics in those posts.
The reasons I’m writing so sporadically about my changes on low-dose testosterone are because:
1. I don’t have much to report!
2. I plan on this being a long term endeavor, both this blog, and the actual taking of the testosterone. So, I mean, I can’t foresee the future, but I imagine I’ll be around 4 years from now, 6 years from now, updating about T-changes every once in a while. I do want to document the long term here.
To summarize, I started using 1.62% of Androgel, 1.25g / day. After 2 months, I was getting concerned with the changes I was seeing (however slight they were), so I asked to be lowered to 1%. And have not seen any further changes since then. I have been highly motivated to continue applying the gel every day. For about 6 days early on, I was alternating days (my doctor’s suggestion) in an attempt to slow progress, and I did not enjoy this skipping of days at all! Since then I have not missed a day.
I have been experiencing some incredible internal changes due to the added testosterone in my body. Some were expected (and were the reasons for me to seek it out) and some were a complete surprise.
1. Increased sex-drive (expected)
2. Increased sensitivity to pain, and all physical sensations, actually (surprise)
3. Increased connectedness with my body, decreased gender dysphoria (not totally a surprise)
4. Decreased general anxiety, big time (surprise)
I don’t have any voice recordings or even very many photos, which is partially due to not being tech savvy (I’m trying to learn little by little here), and partially a tactic I’m employing to help myself not obsess too much. But I do realize it means I don’t have much “proof.” *
I’m thinking about making a video at my one year mark. Maybe. If I can figure out how to do that.
I do have these pictures of my face though. I don’t see myself looking more masculine (yet) but maybe I am getting there, very very slowly… Will just have to wait to find out…
These last 2 photos are sort of to illustrate how we can look pretty different, just from day to day, from photo to photo. I could spend hours taking photos of myself and most of them I’d probably look at and say, “that doesn’t even look like me!” (Luckily I didn’t do that – it’s sort of a rush job. Also, do I think I look like myself? Not sure.)
* It’s not a goal of mine to prove anything in particular (such as, that taking T long-term without masculinizing changes is possible). But if I find that this is possible, I’ll continue to be very very happy! My main goal is to be out there with a different perspective. A different set of reasons for having started testosterone, and a different set of reasons for wanting to continue. And to see what happens along the way. And to talk with people about it! (OK, so that was more like a 5 part goal.)
I think there is a slight change to your facial structure…. subtle, but there.
It’s hard to tell, what with lighting and hair and angle and all the extraneous variables. I am always so impressed by those people who do a seamless visual mashup timeline of day by day photos.
On that note, I think I’ve found that comfort dose for myself, at least for a while longer. Haven’t seen too many new changes, just enough to make me feel good 🙂
I felt inspired by what you wrote to see what another photo might look like too, and to just think about photos in general I then over-thought it and then edited this post slightly to reflect those thoughts!
I feel ever-so slightly disturbed by the thought that my face shape might be shifting, but not concerned enough to think that taking T is not worth it. Not by a long shot. If I started passing as a dude all the time, that’d be another story
And congrats on finding your comfort dose for the time being.
Also, congrats on getting freshly pressed! Nice job!
Don’t know if this blog is still active, but I’m wondering what are some of the reasons that you take testosterone without wanting the masculinizing effects , and if things like your voice or facial hair changed at this point (on the 8-11 month mark)? I’m curious as someone who is wanting to take testosterone for a more androgynous transition rather than super fast masculinization like a typical dose of testosterone.
Hey Isabella, thanks for reaching out! This blog is still active, although not as consistently as it once was…
At the time of that blog post, I wanted to maximize the internal benefits of testosterone use (increased libido, decreased anxiety, more grounded in the present, increased appetite and energy) while minimizing external changes because I wasn’t sure how I felt about them yet, and I wasn’t ready to be “outed” by a lowered voice, facial shape changes, etc. I needed more time! I was on a very low dose (I was applying one pump of androgel, daily) and my T levels reflected this (I was around 100 ng/dl, which is right between a “normal” F range and a “normal” M range. It was perfect for me, at the time. The changes were so subtle, and so slow going, that it gave me the chance to wrap my head around what was going on. Let me know if you want any more information! I’m open to talking about specifics…