3 months after top surgery / 6 weeks back on T

Physically, I feel 100%, and I’ve felt that good for the past month – like in terms of lifting, stretching, and moving my body.  Aesthetically, I’m still not happy, but I’m starting to get used to / feel OK (for now!) with how things look (I’m sure I’ll be looking at revisions down the road, but I’m not going to worry about that right now.)  Sensation-wise, I’m a little worried, but I know it’s still early on.  My nipples are still numb, and it feels numb/tender within about an inch radius around both nipples.  I’m looking into making some gotu kola oil to massage into the tissue; apparently that’s supposed to help with nerve damage.  Better late than never, right?

I have my 3 month follow-up appointment with the physician’s assistant on Tuesday, via Skype, and I’m not really looking forward to that…

It’ll be fine…

Otherwise, I’m super happy.  I’m so happy to be wearing what I want to wear and also of walking around the house without a shirt on (which I did do, previously, but not as much, and not while my spouse was around.)  A couple of weeks ago, I wrote to a friend, “I did not expect to feel much different other than a cerebral satisfaction regarding being able to wear anything from now on.  But it’s more of a gut- level confidence:  I feel like my posture is different; I walk differently, I carry myself differently.  This is what makes it all worth it.”  That pretty much sums it up.

Also, I’ve been using 2 pumps of Androgel, daily, for 6 weeks now, without any doctor supervision.  I just had some extra bottles laying around, and I felt like starting again (after being off of it for… 6 months?)  I contacted my local LGBTQ clinic via email (which is new for me – previously I’d been getting Androgel from a doctor who was reluctant to be a part of my trans-related health) but after more than a week, I haven’t gotten a response.  So, I plan to call soon.  I’m thinking about trying injections, short term.  I think I’ve gotten about as far as the gel will bring me, and I STILL want to look and sound slightly more masculine.  Like, enough so, so that people are confused, or at least they’re hesitant to actually say “ladies.”  So sick of the “ladies.”  It happened again today.  Blah.


5 Comments on “3 months after top surgery / 6 weeks back on T”

  1. Kris says:

    Awesome, Kameron! Hope it get even better! Take care.


  2. Jamie Ray says:

    Three months is still too early to know exactly what it is going to look/feel like (you are still healing). I waited about a year for my revision – and while the revision was definitely worthwhile, I still don’t have a “perfect chest” – there is a little unevenness and a slight dog ear on one side – both are only visible when I’m not wearing a shirt. With a T-shirt on everything looks great.

    I’m not sure how to make peace with “everything isn’t perfect – I should have gone to Garramone – I should have gone on T before surgery -” all of those voices. It is kind of pointless to obsess about it. It isn’t easy to turn a female chest into a male chest – and after a week at the beach I can attest to having seen a lot of men my age with chests I wouldn’t be happy with either. My chest is fine – it just isn’t going to be on the cover of Mens Health or The Advocate.

    Hope you get a personal care physician who is willing to monitor you on T and renew your prescription. Better to be monitored than to self medicate if at all possible. Take care.


    • janitorqueer says:

      yeah, I’m going for balance – like, revisions aren’t a priority for the foreseeable future; they probably won’t be a priority a year from now either. I’m just kinda bummed because I was hoping I wouldn’t need to go through revisions. I think I was thinking that since my chest was small, I’d get good results. There might not actually be any correlation there…

      Eventually, I’d like my areolas/nipples to be in the same spot on both sides, and also smaller and rounder. I know I’ll be far away from a “perfect chest,” and I’m fine with that.


  3. micah says:

    Topless and with scruff I still get the “ladies” greeting. It is very amusing.

    It’s ok to be picky about our chests but also, do not obsess! If you look at hundreds of “average” men’s bodies, you’ll soon notice that chests are all different and weird looking and asymmetrical and bulging with weird nipples and all that. I’ve had many friends who thought they had awful results, and actually it wasn’t that bad compared to the rare awful (completely botched) stuff I’ve seen; their chests were well within the “average” that we forget about. It’s just that we mostly see naked men in the media; it’s all about adjusting our baseline to reality.


    • janitorqueer says:

      I would like to get to the point where “ladies” is amusing!!!!! I think that’s when I’ll know I’ve made it to where I want to be.

      And yeah I’m definitely not so far out there that I am obsessing, but I do think I would like my chest to look better, eventually (and by “eventually,” I mean it’s not a priority for anytime in the foreseeable future, probably not even a year from now. Just, at some point.)

      I do plan to post pictures to transbucket pretty soon. I’ll let you know…


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