Back on testosterone

I like to keep tabs on when I go on and off testosterone, and I’m pretty far behind this time around.  About a month ago, I went back to my stash of Androgel 1.62%.  I had stockpiled it years ago, and at this point, I had 2 bottles left, which had expired 2 years ago.  I figured I might as well use them up (they still seem effective, just not sure if it’s less effective than they once were) rather than throw them out.  I’m doing 2 pumps per day; at that rate, each bottle lasts one month.  So when I run out at the end of January, I’ll probably just switch over to injections – I also have testosterone cypionate 200 mg/ml stockpiled.  Probably enough to last me 6 months.

I’m doing this without going to an endocrinologist, physician, or through Planned Parenthood or some other type of clinic.  I just don’t think that I need to.  I think that I will be on testosterone short term, again, and by the time I’m back off it, seeing a medical professional would have barely been worth it.  I kind of think I might cycle on T for 6 months / off T 6 months, back on, back off, for a while.  And I’ll have to go back at some point to get more, so I can be monitored again at that point.

It seems to be a larger trend that as time goes on, the decisions are more in the patient’s hands anyway, and access is much improved.  More and more Planned Parenthoods are offering HRT, for example, through an informed consent model, and you can get started the same day that you made your appointment.  This is amazing!  No more blood work, no lying about your gender identity to make sure you’re going to get your prescription, no waiting for months for the initial appointment and then weeks after that appointment for the prescription.  Next time I need some, I’m just going to do this.

While I was off of testosterone, some stuff changed.  The best thing that happened was that I gained a lot of nerve sensation back, in my chest.  I am beyond thrilled by this!  I assumed that at the point I was at (3 years since top surgery), healing had plateaued, and that was all I was gonna get.  After a few months off T though, things started changing pretty drastically.  Areas that were numb started to get back more feeling.  Areas that were painful if I touched too roughly were no longer painful.  I would even go as far as to say that erotic sensation has started to return, slightly.  Things still aren’t the way they were, but it’s a huge improvement, especially since I had given up!

Oh also!  My receding hairline had been worrisome – it was a big factor in my decision to go off T last spring.  I imagined it would just halt the hair loss, but in fact, hairs started growing back in the area I assumed was now “bald”!!  I’m talking about my temples – little hairs grew back in!  I didn’t even know that could happen.  Super psyched by that!

Even though these are huge pluses, things had gotten off balance again, and by going back on T, I feel more balanced (until I’m not, again… I know it’ll happen.)  The weather was getting colder, and I just felt too cold.  The joints in my hands and arms ached.  Now that I’m a month in, pain, gone!  The biggest reason for the shift, though, is just much more nebulous.  Somehow I was being pegged as female by strangers again.  I have no idea why: it’s not like my voice or face shape changed back!  It must be an aura or a smell or like, pheromones or something.  Or maybe a way of carrying myself?  Whatever it was, it wasn’t sitting right.  And I’m feeling good with that decision.

Will check back in when I’m not good with it, again.  Probably within a few months, if the past is any indication of the future…