I’m continuing to walk this fine line between experiencing incredible internal changes, which makes the decision to continue taking T a no-brainer, and feeling concern about long-term physical changes. So far, this line is still in place, and all is well.
I’ve been posting about progress on testosterone super infrequently. There’s a couple of reasons for this: 1. I’m definitely feeling like I’m in it for the long term (both taking T and writing this blog), so it’s more like spurts of data over a lot period of time, rather than data overload and then burnout, or something like that. 2. There’s really not a whole lot to report! I mean, I’ve been experiencing a ton of internal changes. But things are feeling pretty stabilized, and there’s not a ton of exciting new information. Here’s a recap / rundown:
I’m using Androgel 1%, 1 pump (1.25g) daily.
Physical changes: what I have noticed has been sooooo minimal, which I’m so psyched about. And these changes happened within the first 2-3 months, and I’m not seeing much new here since. I noticed a slight filling out of my mustache, a few longer light-colored hairs on my chin, a slight broadening of my shoulders with some muscle growth in my pecs, biceps, and shoulders. My clitoris got bigger over the course of a few days about 2 months in, and hasn’t changed since then. I’ve gotten a little sweatier and smellier (feeling the desire to shower more frequently), and I seem to have a higher tolerance for cold, which is awesome! There is one physical change that I’m noticing more recently: I’m seeing slightly darker hairs at the application site. I apply the gel to my upper thighs, and there’s definitely some slight hair growth. The one change I’m feeling ambivalent about and unsure of is voice dropping. I keep being hyper aware and concerned. No one else seems to be able to tell there is any difference. So far, I haven’t made vocal recordings because I don’t want to obsess over it any more than I already am. I think the difference is so slight, and that voices are moving, dynamic, changing things anyway, that there’s really no cause for concern. Largely, I worry that certain changes plateaued soon and were pretty negligible, but that perhaps my voice will keep dropping the longer I’m on T. I’ll just have to wait to find out. I may start making voice recordings, if I think it’ll help.
Internal changes: The internal changes I talked about at 5 months included drastic decrease in anxiety, increase in sex drive, feeling grounded and connected and warm and fuzzy, and changes in sensations of pain. I’m still reveling in all of these things. It is still plenty of reason to keep taking T, despite my concern over experiencing physical changes. For about 6 months, my anxiety levels were at 0, which I have never experienced before in my entire life. Now they’re fluctuating, like life tends to cause, but at a much lower, more tolerable level, than I was experiencing pre-T. Increased sex drive feels sustainable, and has allowed me to explore new (dormant?) areas of my sexuality I hadn’t been able to tap into before. Sensations of pain and feeling connected to my body have been starting to dwindle in awesomeness, I think because I’m getting used to it, and can’t recall what it used to feel like, to compare then and now, as much. Everything is dwindling in awesomeness, and I keep trying to remind myself how different in a negative way, my bodily experiences were, pre-T.
The effects of T have been a dream come true for me. I’ll be back with a T update in a few more months! (These photos are from 5 months and then 8 months. I guess I’m looking at whether there’s a change in my face shape over time. So far, I can’t notice anything. This pleases me.)