A few days ago, I got a message from a reader. They wrote:
Hi…thanks for taking the time to help others have the advantage of your experience to answer our own questions. I’m non-binary…I had top surgery 3 years ago, but I’m interested in remaining in the middle. I’m interested in a more masculine body structure (less curvy, more masculine fat distribution, stronger jaw line), but wanting to keep my feminine traits like smoothness of skin/not markedly increasing facial hair and not wanting to make the changes to my disposition that it seems can happen with a standard dose of testosterone. I’m interested in being able to build muscle (just definition) for both look and to be strong and healthy. I’ve hit 50, so not so easy with menopause underway. I’m also interested in how this could support my libido.
I’m thinking that microdosing may be a good way for me to do this, but interested in your thoughts. Also, to whom does one go to get this? I’m going to be living in NY/NJ area and it would be great if you could provide any medical professionals in that area. I’m finding that some MDs don’t know much about this and aren’t incredibly willing to discuss. Does one have to have a prescription for this? I’m assuming so. In any case, any info you could provide or point me to would be greatly appreciated.
We messaged back and forth a few times and decided this could be the good basis for a post. Here’s an attempt to answer their questions, and elaborate on some thoughts they put out there:
Thanks for reaching out! I started microdosing T so long ago that that word was not yet in use – at least not in this context, haha! We called it “going on a low-dose of T,” which is clunkier, and it’s cool there’s a more straightforward verb now, even if it brings to mind people taking small amounts of acid for therapeutic purposes, more than anything else at this point. I’m sure that’ll change over time.
I too, had (have) a list of things I do and do not want from testosterone. Most of those things have worked out for me, even in the long term, which is mostly based in genetics, but I still feel like I lucked out. (It can feel like a crap-shoot, especially when you want some, but not all, of the effects that testosterone may cause.) I haven’t sprouted that beard that I never wanted. I gained a more masculine body structure. I still have smooth skin. It’s helped my libido. Also my voice is lower, my disposition shifted for the better, it was a real game changer in many ways. It helped me grow into myself, for sure.
Testosterone is a controlled substance, which definitely means you need a prescription for it. My journey to actually getting the stuff was bumpy. Initially I went through a primary care physician who I found to be smarmy. I put up with him so I could keep getting my prescription until I decided I could do better. My next physician was hesitant and I really had to advocate for myself super hard. She conceded for a while but ultimately referred me to an endocrinologist. The endo wasn’t great either. I hoarded it as much as I could so that I was not beholden to medical professionals, and so I had the freedom to start and stop when I wanted to, as opposed to when I could get access. I still do this. It’s not recommended, but anyone who knows me probably wouldn’t be surprised.
Things have improved vastly in some regions of the US, but of course not everywhere. Many Planned Parenthoods now offer gender affirming care and hormone replacement therapy on an informed consent model. Generally it’s a matter of weeks, not months, to get in and get your prescription. I just did a cursory search, and, by region, here are just some of the places where this is possible: Southwest Florida, Southeast Pennsylvania, Washington and Northwest Idaho, Northwestern Hawaiian Islands, all throughout Illinois, Western NY, Massachusetts, NYC, Reno Nevada, one tiny town in Arkansas. Some of these places are not surprising. Others are. What makes a specific Planned Parenthood offer HRT or not?!! One day, eventually, I think they all will.
If anyone has any specific information about providers or options in the NY / NJ area, please leave a comment. Hope this helps, and good luck!
I’m much more of a writer than a conversationalist – and definitely not a public speaker. Tons of people have a fear of public speaking. I don’t mind being in front of audiences, so at least I have that first hurdle out of the way. I just have a fear that I won’t be able to talk naturally and coherently. Despite this, I’ve had aspirations for a long time to verbally share my experiences, be on panels, join the speakers’ bureau, etc. I’ve talked a few times in front of audiences, mostly as part of drag performances. I’ve gotten around the talking thing by preparing statements ahead of time, reading out loud what I’ve written.
I’ve never seen someone on a panel read before, but I figured, I could do it! Why not? I had seen a message posted to a facebook group, from an acquaintance who works for Planned Parenthood. She was organizing a half-day of training about trans-healthcare for the PP health center staff: clinicians, nurses, health center managers and front desk staff. It was going to include a 45 minute panel, and she was looking for trans-people to talk about their experiences with health services – both positive and negative.
I thought my recent consultations with surgeons for top surgery would illustrate a stark contrast, so I emailed her about it and included links to these two posts:
She wrote back saying it’d be great to have me, and I could certainly read out loud. Over the weekend, I edited these so they’d work better spoken out loud, and I tried to cut them down shorter. Because, dang, they seemed short when I wrote them, but it takes more time than you’d think to read things out loud!
I arrived at the venue Monday morning, and I wasn’t even that nervous! I recognized one of the other people on the panel, which was cool. The third person came in shortly after, and we introduced ourselves – her name is Leah.
I went first to get it out of the way; I introduced myself and then just launched into it. I think, in retrospect, that I was talking too loudly (definitely not quite my natural speaking voice) but, that’s OK – better too loud than too quiet I guess. The other two people went, and they both did an awesome job speaking off the cuff. We answered a bunch of questions, and I was grateful that the person on the other side of me naturally answered first, giving me time to formulate something to say. It all went really well – people had great questions! (As an interesting aside, there were about 75 people in the audience, and it appeared to be made up of 1 man / 74 women.)
The organizer then presented us with gift bags and gift cards, which was awesome! I feel like the norm is that panel participants are just volunteering, so that was awesome that we were compensated. We lingered while the group wrapped up their training, ate some bagels and had some coffee, and then stuck around in case anyone had any further questions. No one did, but we got lots of compliments and thanks, as people were leaving.
This was totally worthwhile and something I’d like to do more of. I’m not sure how I will transition from reading things into actually becoming a speaker, but, well, it’s something to work on.
The next day, one of the bloggers that I’ve been following for a while, The Overflowing Closet, wrote this post (as part of the 30 day trans-challenge she’s doing: Day 8 – “How do you deal with being misgendered in the beginning of transitioning by people?” She started by saying, “Yesterday I gave a talk in front of 75 medical staff and personnel about my experiences being transgender and seeking medical help. The crowd was filled with people who wanted to provide better services for trans people, and one of their biggest concerns was misgendering people.”
I suddenly realized that the Leah I had met the day before is the same Leah whose blog I’ve been reading! Has this ever happened to you? Where you’re reading a blog and then you meet someone and then you connect the dots in between? Such a cool experience! I contacted her to see if I could share this, and she said of course.
So hey, here’s to making something out of all this writing and online connecting with people!