3 super-short stories

Content note:  crassness, body humor

1:  “We’re Trendy”

My spouse and I were at a bar on the beach with another couple a few weeks ago.  My friend (who is also trans) and I went to go get us some drinks.  It was packed inside, and we had to squeeze past a long line for the bathrooms to get to the bar.  On our way back with the beers, as we were squeezing by again, a woman was saying, “Hell, with this line, I could just go into the men’s room.  You know, like transgenders.  That trendy right now.”  And, without really seeing her or stopping or anything, not missing a beat, I said, semi-loudly, “We’re trendy.”  My friend repeated, “Yeah, we’re trendy.”  According to my friend in the re-telling, she had a taken aback type reaction, but I didn’t see it; I just kept walking.

_________________________________________

2.  “Nearly A”

Last night on our way to go brush our teeth, my spouse looked in on our guest room / my gigantic clothes pile.  There was a bra on top of one clothing mound, and she picked it up and said, “What is this?!!”  I told her it’s a bra.  She kept it coming with the, “Why do you have this?” and “Where did this come from,” etc.  And I said it was mine and I was saving it for if I ever wanted to dress up like a girl.
“This is so tiny; it’s a training bra,” she said.
“No it isn’t!  This was my bra!!!” (I was being mock angry.)

I started fumbling with it in my hand, looking for a tag so I could prove to her it was a bra.  It was kind of curled up, so I unrolled it and showed it to her.

It had a model number, and then it said, “SIZE:  Nearly A.”

We both burst out laughing.

____________________________________________

3.  “A Bag of Dicks”

Today, I was filling in for my supervisor, so I was working the day shift.  The principal wanted me to clean up the front of the school, pick up sticks and garbage, sweep the walkway, stuff like that.  So I did that for about an hour and a half before I decided that was good enough.  I took the bag of trash around back to the dumpster, and as I passed the cardboard dumpster, I noticed a feminine looking backpack, a style that seemed older than elementary school age kids, just perched on top of cardboard boxes, at the perfect height where it was right where those side slide-y doors open.  I flipped the flap of the bag, because I’m that kind of curious, and with just a glance, I realized that it was filled with dildos and vibrators, of all sizes and shapes, all of them different shades of pink.  I quickly put the flap back and walked inside, mulling this over.

I texted my spouse:
“There is a bag of dicks in the cardboard dumpster today.”
“Haha, what?!”  and then later, “What were the bag of dicks?!  Haha”
“Like, literally!  i took a pic on my crappy phone but didn’t turn out great cuz i wasn’t gonna touch them”
“Haha, why did the school have those?!”
“Someone swung by for a secret dump”

I then texted my co-worker, who was going to be at the school within the next half hour:
“There’s a bag of dicks in the cardboard dumpster.”
“????”

I just left him hanging until he got to work (I also texted some friends about the bag of dicks).  Then, since this was one of the most exciting things that’s ever happened at work, I brought him right out to show him.  He was pretty surprised, but I do get the sense he’s seen lots of weird stuff in his time.  He asked me if I told anyone about it and what should we do?  I said, “No!”  Just my spouse, and I was gonna just dump it in the actual dumpster, not the cardboard one.  But, like, maybe a little later (cause I was pretty sure he was going to investigate on his own).  Sure enough, later on he approached me, and told me that he did a little digging and there were some latex gloves in there too and gym socks and also a gift card for Subway.  Haha.  He said, “fly your freak flag” a number of times.  I felt a little more emboldened next time I went to throw out trash, and rooted around in the bag with my gloves on before throwing it into the trash dumpster.  Yep, lots of dicks in there.


8 Comments on “3 super-short stories”

  1. witlessX says:

    You seem like your in a great spot, grats on that!

    The below makes me seem mad, I’m not, just triggered… It’s all good… 🙂

    Easy for YOU to laugh at: nearly A… *shakes head* Besides, what does a nearly A bra do anyway – i mean besides nipple concealment and body armor – I’ll tell ya what it does, it changes the shape of tiny breasts from distinctly female to distinctly male. Yes, i can laugh at it, too. just like i can occasionally laugh about still having a penis, though since it also represents never having another intimate encounter for the rest of my life, I try to minimize such thoughts. I don’t wish for huge boobs, just normal adult boobs, not what clearly on a male skeleton look like little girl boobs, nearly A. Laugh away, damn it. I don’t wear bras anymore, anyway…

    As funny as a bag of dicks is… I’d stay away as far as possible from bags of dicks while on school property: showing them to someone could be considered sexual harassment. When I was a guy, I would have said absolutely nothing to anyone about it. Now that I’m openly trans, and in the eyes of many still a guy – you know, the penis thing – I would do the Chuck Norris thing and say even less than nothing and stay even further away than possible.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janitorqueer says:

      I’m sorry it was triggering – definitely not my intention. I added a “Content Note” after reading your comment.

      And, along the way, I realized that one person’s triumph (getting rid of my boobs, however small they were to begin with) could be another person’s trigger – would you want to talk more about that via email? I’ll see if I can find a “contact me” on your blog, or you could email janitorqueer@gmail.com

      As far as discretion while on school grounds – I would not have told/shown just any co-worker. In fact, I would not have told/shown any other person I’ve ever worked with or known through work other than this one co-worker. Which is to say there is enough trust there. I knew what I was doing. I feel that it’s completely fine. Thanks for your warning though; in general I agree.

      Like

      • witlessX says:

        Thank you so much for being cool about my comments. Your post was great, entertaining, and thought provoking. and thank you for the invite, that is so kind of you… I’m good on that, at least for now 🙂 tho I’ll certainly keep it in mind. Be well, be safe.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Cairtheand says:

    Who throws away a bag of dildos I wonder 😛 I mean if they bought all of them in the first place… maybe they got better ones?

    Liked by 1 person

    • witlessX says:

      Stealth.

      A bag of dicks in a dumpster doe not have a happy back story. A bag of dicks in a dumpster is the water line on an iceberg.

      Maybe someone important in their life was going to find out about their secret, and to prevent getting shunned and humiliated and beaten and whatnot they went from hiding place to hiding place and gathered anything that might betray their dirty, immoral character. They thought they had found a safe place to dump the evidence, a place people don’t generally explore or happen upon, or even care to think about, let alone enter. Unfortunately, not all dumpsters are teh same, mostly, but not all. They probably felt a great sense of relief and safety, mixed with an understanding that for folks like them such feelings are fleeting and just part of a cycle that never ends, and hurts every time – a lot.

      … besides, it could have been a bomb.

      Like

      • janitorqueer says:

        My co-worker said it pretty well, “They should have picked a McDonalds or something. Why an elementary school? I mean, the gym teachers’ classes walk by there every day. [and then he had other examples of how a small child could have happened upon them; I don’t remember the details].”

        It was placed very conspicuously right where the sliding door of the dumpster is. Not buried or hidden in the slightest.

        Plus, just in general, I dig in the trash quite a bit (although much less than I used to. I’m sure I’m not the only one.) Heck, that backpack could have been full of gold bars!. Haha.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Liam says:

    Nearly A. Yup. That’s my size and I still hate them, because they look enormous to me. I only seem to be able to get that nice flat look when I’m wearing a good binder, which chafes my nipples and makes them hurt like hell. Seem like I can never win. Not until I get the dratted things removed anyway.

    Like


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