1 month on testosterone

I’ve been injecting 50mg per week.  OK, not exactly true – after the first 2 weeks, I increased it to 80mg, because I felt like it.  Similarly, when I was on Androgel, I wasn’t great at sticking with the script.  Not sure why, but I have a guess that it’s because I wanna exert control over this area of my life.  It just doesn’t really seem like a big deal in terms of consequences, and it makes me feel better…

Even with the higher dose (Just for perspective – 50 is moderately low and is a common starting dose.  100 is also a common starting dose, so I’m not doing anything way out there), I really have very little to report, which feels like a bummer to me – I was expecting more!

(Just a note:  This post is a little confusing because I have “started T” twice now.  When I say Androgel, I’m talking about 4 years ago.  And when I say injections, that means what I’m currently doing.)

When I started Androgel (very very low dose), it was like, WHOA!  It felt like night and day, within the first couple days.  Here’s what I reported 5 months in, if you’re curious:  5 months on T without physical changes.  (This, unfortunately. is my earliest account, because I hadn’t started the blog until I was 5 months in!)

I guess I expected it to be like that, only tenfold, because my dose is now definitely not very very low.  Honestly, I don’t know how to compare the two doses, since they are administered so differently.  I tried to find info online about this, and could not find a single thing.  If anyone has something on this, such as, “____mg of inject-able T = ____mg of Androgel,” please let me know!  I’m pretty sure there’s no straightforward way to calculate this because, for example, everyone absorbs topical substances differently…

Anyway, I am experiencing these shifts, in little ways, again…  A little bit hungrier, a little bit of a higher sex-drive, a lot of “warm and fuzzy,” etc.

but this time around, I’m paying a lot more attention to physical changes (in a way where I want them, not in a way that I’m being hyper-vigilant about them not happening, like the first time around with the Androgel).  And so far, nothing!  Maybe just the slightest shift in voice.  Oh well, no big deal.  I can be patient.

I think what’s going on is, when I started Androgel, I had nothing to compare that to.  All the sensations I was experiencing were vast improvements over what I had going on, previously.  It truly was seeing the world and myself in a brand new way.  Decreased anxiety was mind-blowing because I’d never felt that – the ability to take a deep breath and really feel it?  Whoa.  Actually sensing my body as present/grounded, and not half-dissociated 24/7?  Incredible!

And it’s more like now, I’ve been free of anxiety for a long time at this point, due to a psychotropic drug that I never want to stop taking.  And the warm and fuzzy and the heightened sex drive?  I’m glad to see a return of these sensations (for sure!!!), but it’s more like, “Oh, right, I like this,” as opposed to, “Wow, I have never experienced this before and it is the best thing ever!”

That’s all I got so far!