Why I’ve been writing here

Today is the day I’ve been writing on this blog for one year.  And… I really don’t see an end in sight – it doesn’t feel like I’ll be running out of steam any time soon.  I’m gonna hope that this is true!

There are a bunch of reasons I started and a bunch of reasons I keep going.  Some of them include:

  • I’m an exhibitionist, in a sense.
  • I really really really enjoy writing.  And ideas keep popping in my head.
  • The more I put into this, the more I get out of it.  That has not been the case for a lot of endeavors I’ve undertaken.
  • I’ve really been enjoying reading blogs by like-minded (and different-minded) individuals on a variety of topics, but mostly blogs about being queer and/or trans* in some way or form.  The blogs I read help keep me going.
  • It has helped me hone my writing / find a voice.  I’ve had pieces accepted for 2 anthologies this year (the process of editing and publishing is currently ongoing), and I’m working on a proposal for a 3rd piece.
  • I want to continue contributing to a body of information that is pretty obscure and hard to find, at least at this time.

Before starting this blog, I was writing epic emails to my therapist, generally on a weekly basis.  For over a year and a half.  I’m talking really really long emails.  Although she always read them – and we often talked about them – she would never reply to me.  She would also sometimes downplay how important they felt to me, referring to them as “notes,” when I would have chosen the phrase, “an outpouring of my soul,” haha.

I rarely ever write to her anymore (sometimes I cut and paste from my blog in an email to her, or ask her to look at a specific post).  I think I was relying on her to fulfill this really specific need (collecting and organizing thoughts through writing, knowing someone’s reading those thoughts), and I’ve shifted it all into this incredible, creative outlet.  She’s probably relieved about it – I know I kinda am, haha.

Before this, I’d never had a blog in such a public way.  I’d had private online “diaries” and mostly “friends only” online journals when I was younger, just about life in general.  But I’d never put this much about myself out into the internet in any shape, previously (my Facebook info and involvement is super sparse, for example).  Sometimes I’ve second-guessed myself.  Sometimes I’ve worried if so-and-so will find this, etc.  But overall, those fears are quickly drowned out by all the positives.  And ultimately, the type of anonymity / level of being out there publicly feels like it’s right where I wanna be.

To many more years!