Feeling trapped in by medications

I’m on a 2 week leave from work again right now.  I was basically planning to just push through depression and just go through with obligations and routines.  That’s what I tend to do.  But I was switching medications, and I really hit a wall.  I had been on Geodon, and was switching to Latuda (both atypical antipsychotics).  The Geodon was causing some strange hormonal side effects, so for 2 weeks, I was on a half dose of that and a half dose of this new one.  That was working out OK.  Switching to a full dose of the Latuda really set things off though.  I couldn’t sleep and was starting to feel agitated.  Depression plummeted and anxiety skyrocketed.  Last night, I threw up an hour after taking the pills.

I had a therapy appointment yesterday, and going out of work again was her idea.  As soon as she said it, it sounded like a good idea.  Why didn’t I think of that?  Haha.  I have plenty of sick time; might as well use it when I actually need it.

I really do not know what I’ll do for two weeks.  (OK, I do have some ideas – I can get my car recalls taken care of, I can start thank you cards from our party last summer, I can give my friend a hair cut, I can try doing some writing, I can just take it easy.)  I feel relief.

I just feel trapped in by medications right now (side effects are weird!  I’m a small person and I feel the dosing has just been way too high!), and by my psychiatrist because it’s all his call.  I thought the Geodon could be OK if I were on less of it.  He decided we’re not going to lower it, we’re going to switch drugs instead.  Now I have to call him and tell him that’s not working out.  I really just want to be on Geodon, just less of it.  I really hope he listens.