One year on testosterone without physical changes

My non-binary self has made it one whole year on testosterone(!!!), and it feels like there’ll be no end in sight (I wasn’t planning on there being an end).  I still feel highly motivated to apply the topical gel (Androgel) daily.  The benefits have been more than I could have even imagined.

If you’re a numbers person, this paragraph is for you (if you’re not, just go ahead and skip it):  There are probably a lot of estimations about what is considered a “normal” range for testosterone.  There are plenty of articles and websites to find info on levels, and what “free testosterone” is, etc.  Also, I’m not a scientist.  I’m a janitor.  So I’m just going based on what my blood-work form says:  Females have a general T range of 14-76 ng/dl  Males have a general T range of 300-800 ng/dl.  I started at 59.  I’m now at 102.3.

This makes quite a bit of sense in that I am now in neither a female nor a male range.  Which is how I’ve felt myself to be for a very long time, and it’s now being reflected within this potent hormone/steroid level.  It’s not high enough to be exhibiting secondary male sex characteristics.  But it’s high enough for me to feel much more comfortable in my skin, being someone who is non-binary in this specific way.

For reference, here’s where I’ve written a lot more info about what has changed:
5 months on T
8 months on T
11 months on T

Instead of repeating a lot of that info, I thought I’d go back to what I wrote a year ago.  I did not yet have this blog (I started it last July); I was writing in a paper journal about what it felt like to start testosterone.  Here are a few choice excerpts:

3/18/13 – My initial start level was 59.  I’m hoping for about 100 or so [good guess!] – enough to feel different, but not enough to induce physical changes…  Applied it to my shoulders.  It was a lot more, volume-wise than I was expecting.  Didn’t notice any changes, but had a dream that night that two men (strangers) were out on the street, checking out each others’ erections and making sure things were working properly.

3/19/13 – Felt just kind of increasingly calm, which can be attributed to any number of things…  Toward the end of my work day, I was reclining on an inclined weight bench (I clean the weight room) listening to my mp3 player, and when I sat up, my visual field was new and improved.  Everything looked sharper, brighter, more organized.  I scanned the room and structured it by color for the first time.  Made me wonder if I’ll be able to “see” differently.

3/22/13 – Switched to applying it to inner thighs.  Makes more sense in terms of touching and potential transfer.  I’ve been feeling really warm and fuzzy lately, which is the best part of this whole thing.  Still feel calm, and simultaneously energized, like relaxergized!!!

3/29/13 – I need to convey more how awesome everything is.  Anxiety is gone completely.  I have never felt this way in my life.  I’ve never been on Extacy, but I’m gonna take a guess I’m feeling similar to that.  Last night, I rolled around on the living room floor like a dog.  I’m just kinda reveling in my own skin over here – I feel so safe in my body.

The intensity of these feelings has, of course, diminished over time (although wouldn’t it be cool if I could feel this high for the rest of my life?  Even that would get boring though haha.)  But the difference between where I was and where I am, in terms of how I feel, is so great that there’s no question for me about whether I should continue.

My voice hasn’t dropped.  I don’t have to shave my face.  I don’t look any more masculine, in my opinion.  However, I do think my face shape is morphing ever so slightly.  It’s hard to know what might be due to aging and what might be due to testosterone.  But here are some pics to illustrate:

two years ago

two years ago

one year ago, right before starting T

one year ago, right before starting T

last week

last week

 

yesterday

yesterday


7 Comments on “One year on testosterone without physical changes”

  1. Lesboi says:

    Congrats on finding that “sweet spot” for your T levels of where you want to be. I’ve been on a “low dose” for 3 years and my T level is in the 400 range. I’ve definitely noticed the euphoria you mention every time I’ve upped my intake of T. Recently I went from the gel to injections and, even though it’s supposed to be a comparable dosage, I felt a significant high for the first few days until my body adapted again. Unfortunately, for me anyway, the high doesn’t last but the general sense of feeling “right”, more patient, happier, etc. has never gone away. I wish my anxiety would go away like yours did, though I guess it’s a little better.

    Like

    • janitorqueer says:

      Thanks! And yeah, that euphoric feeling is so addictive that a part of me wants to stop T for a while just to get that feeling back. But I know that line of thinking is a slippery slope and I actually crave stability, so I’m gonna stick with that. Sounds like you’ve experienced some amazing results!

      Like

      • Lesboi says:

        The “high” is nice but what’s nicer for me is the stability of my emotions now that I didn’t have before starting T. I’ve spent most of my life experience severe mood swings in relation to my hormones (estrogen) and to have that stabilize has been an awesome side effect of T.

        Like

  2. urbanmythcafe says:

    Everything sounds positive. I like the line “I am not a scientist, I’m a janitor.”

    Like

      • urbanmythcafe says:

        It gets even better. “JanitorQueer, the Low-T SuperHero.”
        After saving everyone in the elementary school from germs: “I am not a scientist, I’m a janitor.”
        All we need now is an artist.

        Like

      • janitorqueer says:

        I love it! I’ll have the story arc all planned out in a couple of days and start pitching it to comic book publishers, haha!

        (It might make for a good blog series though – maybe it’s time for me to try out non-realistic fiction!)

        Like


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