Last month, I wrote about coming out at work, and I left a few loose ends that I want to circle back to.
Real quick first though, I wanna acknowledge this blogging milestone! It’s been 3 years and 6 months now. Which is 42 months, meaning I’ve averaged close to 5 posts per month. And that’s been fairly consistent: I haven’t had times of being prolific followed by times of not writing anything and back-and-forth. Same with word-count – posts have been no more than 1,000 words, no less than 600 words.
Although it’s been moderate and steady, the way I feel about the writing and the blog changes fairly drastically and frequently. Sometimes I feel like I’m an objective observer, recording down what has transpired. Other times, I have put so much of myself into what I write, that the process, and the feedback I get has helped boost me up through some really difficult times. So, thank you, for all that feedback! Sometimes I’ve felt like there isn’t much point to continuing; I have nothing to say. Other times, I feel super good about this ongoing personal account of experiences that are valuable for others, and myself, to look into / look back on.
I’d say, currently, it’s mostly the first thing: I’m an objective observer, writing down what is happening and feeling kind of distanced from it. And that’s OK – it’s not going to always feel this way, I have learned.
So, in that vein, here’s that account I said I would write, of my first month being out, at work: A quick recap – I had talked to my supervisor, co-workers, 4 teachers, the principal, and the assistant principal. I had also gotten things moving in the HR department, and we were just going into Xmas recess. During that week when kids and teachers were out, I though it’d be a great time for my co-workers to start, while it was just us. I wrote, ” I have a feeling my co-worker / ally will step up and lead it, followed by me correcting everyone every single time.” The first day, my supervisor called me through the walkie talkie, “[old name], can you get a 20″ red pad?” Me, “It’s going to be Kameron now.” Long pause. Her, “Kameron, can you get the 20″ red pad?” Then when she saw me, she said, “You’re going to make me practice now?” “Yeah!” And we were off! With, as I hoped, my co-worker leading. But the thing was, I didn’t actually have to correct anyone.
When break was over and everyone was back, I told 8 more people in person, and also had a 2nd, much more productive, conversation with the principal. More details are in the post, How I became “Mixter”. We talked about how to come out and the timeline, how my name would appear on my name plate on the custodial office door, and bathrooms. She told me I could think about these things and get back to her tomorrow. That all sounded fine, but as I went about my cleaning routine that night, I thought about how tough it is to just catch her, and what if it’s a while before I am able to get back to her. Plus the monthly faculty meeting was the following morning!!! (And even though I don’t attend these, that’s a great place for school announcements.)
So, I left a note on her table that night, so that action could start rolling ASAP. The note read:
Here’s what I”m thinking:
Fac Meeting – a heads up about a forthcoming email
Email – That I’m changing my name and that I’m now using male pronouns (he/him/his)
Sign on Custodial Door – Mx. [last name] (pronounced Mixter). I’m comfortable answering any questions about this.
also a recommendation if you one day have a transgender student:
A podcast called “How to be a Girl,” told from the point-of-view of a parent – with lots of input from her 8-year-old daughter (male to female). They talk about school, friends, privacy, etc. The parent is a great advocate.
There was some slight confusion in which the principal included all this information in the school-wide email, where, for example, I had only intended the podcast recommendation to be for her. But, I realized, the fact everyone received all of the above was actually way better! It gave people more context, which, I really really really think helped the information lodge into their brains better. Like, I have not had to correct anyone, once! Which is just completely blowing my mind. People seem more into addressing me by my name than before. Some people have decided to call me “Kam,” instead, of their own volition, which I’m OK with – it’s just plain fascinating. (My one co-worker / ally has been calling me, “Killa Kam” for a while now. Haha.)
A barrier between me and other people has definitely started to lift, just within this past month. I have had more conversations with more people about a wider variety of things than ever before. This is what being a person within a work environment is mostly about. The connections are what make it something more than just a random assortment of people that you (seemingly) have nothing in common with.
I wanna just keep running with this!
PS: This post has 882 words. Haha.
PPS: Posts coming soon about this amazing podcast, “How to be a Girl.”
Three years ago today, I made my first post on this blog. It was this:
low-dose testosterone for the rest of my life.
At that point, I was feeling very unsure of myself. It was more like, “low-dose testosterone for the rest of my life???” Being able to do that was of utmost importance; it was something I was strongly identifying with. But, if too many physical changes were happening and I didn’t like it, I felt like that meant I failed. I hadn’t heard of anyone else trying to maintain an inbetween-ness through hormones before. The only resource online I could find at the time was this series, through the Original Plumbing blog:
I Was a Teenage Unicorn
I had also met Micah at the Philly Trans-Health Conference. His blog was a goldmine of information.
I decided to start my own blog, to add to the conversation. And I really could not have fathomed how much it would help me connect with others and gain confidence in my choices. Thanks for connecting with me, everyone!!! There’s really nothing like it, at least for me, as someone who expresses myself easiest through writing and likes to read what is going on in other people’s heads.
Three years later, I already haven’t been on low-dose testosterone for the rest of my life, but that’s no big deal in the larger picture, I can now see. I had been off of it for about 6 months. Actually, as of 5 days ago, I am back on it, on a day-by-day basis, just because I feel like it.
So, to celebrate 3 years, I thought I’d pick out a few posts, and then also talk about some future writing goals.
According to my stats, my top 5 most visited posts are these:
28 risks of chest binding – I wrote this recently. And then I posted links to it on a couple of facebook groups (first time I’ve really done that), and it kinda took off. This is probably the closest I’ve gotten to “going viral,” haha. It has 3 times as many views as my next popular post, which is:
Can hormones change my sexual orientation? – I wrote this early on, and I’m glad it continues to get a lot of traffic on a steady basis. A lot of people are curious about if and how hormones could maybe shift sexual orientation.
Bathroom anxieties: a genderqueer janitor’s perspective – I also wrote this early on, and I think that if I were to write it over again, there would be lots of edits. But I’m leaving it as is, for now. It’s a document of a time, I guess.
One year on testosterone without physical changes – This got a lot of traffic because it got a boost from Micah. I asked him if he’d share it on his social media outlets. Thanks, Micah!
A story about what it feels like to be bigender – I’m also really glad this gets a lot of traffic because I worked pretty hard on it, and I think it’s really illuminating and informative. I don’t identify as bigender, but a lot of people are curious about what it means to be bigender.
Two posts that I’m considering deleting, because they pop up in people’s searches too much and are probably off-topic:
Ruling with elf wisdom – People want to know what it means to “rule with elf wisdom,” and this post isn’t going to tell them anything about that. It’s actually about a name I was considering going by, which means “ruling with elf wisdom.” But then I nixed that name. So it’s not even relevant any longer…
Office work and trans-YA fiction – People search for “office work” pretty frequently, but I’m not sure why! And this is barely about that – it’s about how I volunteered in the office at my local gay alliance for a while, but it’s more about some YA books I was reading while sitting there, bored, in the office.
Other than that, most of my search results have seemed relevant, which is good! A lot of questions about taking testosterone while on other psychotropic drugs, about being trans and using the bathroom, about different terms under the “genderqueer” umbrella… It seems that just as many searches are about janitors as they are about being trans. I guess I feel kind of weird about that because even though being a janitor is a big part of my identity and a semi-big part of this blog, I don’t feel like I’m representational of janitors in general, for when people are searching for info about janitors… Oh well.
Here are some of the more bizarre search terms that have led people to my blog:
“commercial work schedule disorder” – I once wrote about shift-work disorder, so that’s probably where they landed.
“literotica drag king” – I like that word! I’m going to start using it!
“MTF tree house transgender” – Once my spouse and I stayed in a tree house while on vacation. And I mentioned that. Haha.
“images of scrap books to be made for bf” – Not sure. I’ve never mentioned a scrap book or a boyfriend.
“are janitors off on snow days at school” – YES THEY ARE! PAID DAY OFF!
“why would another male janitor pee all over your bathroom” – Damn, I do not know dude.
“queer mullet” – I am queer and I do have a mullet. More information about this can be found here: Queer/Trans- visiblity: (flannel + mullet).
For the future, I would like to continue to take academic papers and studies, and distill them into something that is relate-able. That’s probably my favorite thing to work on. If anyone knows of any, let me know! I’ll continue to document my life too, of course.
A couple of chain-style blogging awards are currently circulating, and I’m gonna go ahead and take part! Thank you to Something Queer To Read, Tangled Web, and Because I’m Fabulous for including me! These community driven awards are super important because they help us connect to more blogs we might not yet know about, and they allow blog writers to step outside of their usual modes and share a little bit more about themselves.
So, adapted “rules” for the Lovely / Very Inspiring Blog award:
– Link to and thank the blog writer(s) who included you.
– Write a few facts about yourself. Maybe 4, maybe 7, maybe 10…
– Move things forward by including a few blog writers you really enjoy. Anywhere from 5 to 15.
– Make sure you let these blog writers know!
This time around, I’m going to point to (in no real order):
A Feminist Challenging Transphobia
The Brighter Side of the Moon
Today I Am A Man
Captain Glitter Toes
And finally, a couple of things you might not have known about me:
– I live 5 miles away from my parents. I live 5,000 miles away from my brother.
– I love beverages of all different kinds: especially coffee, tea, beer, fancy sodas, kombucha. I like trying new types! (I really should remember to drink more water.)
– When I was 17, I spent 3 weeks in a psychiatric hospital. I know I’ve mentioned it before, and although I don’t highlight it often in my writing, this episode greatly shaped where I’m coming from and how I write about my experiences.
– I’ve been a vegetarian for about 12 years. There was a brief foray into eating fish somewhere at the midway point. That didn’t last long. It felt weird. From time to time, I think about re-introducing fish into my diet, but I just can’t seem to do it.
Until next time (Getting to know each other #3)…
Thank you to tsoi hawk and rimonim for including me in the Liebster Awards. This award uses a chain-mail technique in order to connect more writers together and create an opportunity to get to know each other a little better. Many of us write continuously, sometimes constantly about one or two topics, and we never really get a sense of who the author is!
I was stalling for a while about this post, because while I love the spirit of this award, I do not love the pressure and obligation to follow the rules and not break the chain! I am a notorious chain breaker. You wanted to send me a recipe/list of books/favorite quote/etc. and a list of 6 more people to forward my own recipe/books/quotes/etc. on to? Bad choice; those people never saw anything about it! But I figured, why not try this one, even if I don’t follow everything we’re supposed to do.
So, here’s a modified version, I guess.
Some blogs I’ve really been enjoying lately:
And a favorite blog, that, sadly, appears to now be an archive:
If I linked to your blog, and you wanna follow all the rules, click here for more info about the Liebster Award. If you don’t wanna do it at all, that’s OK too.
Some random facts about me:
– I know all of Tom Petty’s greatest hits by heart. This is not indicative of my musical tastes. I just had the cassette tape growing up. (I do still love it.)
– What’s on my iPod right now: albums by Bauhaus, Daft Punk, DJ Shadow, Maps, RJD2, Skinny Puppy, Sleigh Bells, The Roots, Wolf Parade. This is slightly more indicative of my musical tastes. I listen to my iPod every single work-day, for probably 4-6 hours.
– I’m going to hear back in a couple of weeks whether my proposal for a radio show will be accepted. I’ll most likely be a radio DJ starting this fall!
– One of my favorite pastimes is brewing kombucha.
It is a delicious, healthy alternative to soda. It is awesome! You can buy it in stores, but it is $$$. You can make it at home for super super cheap. It’s basically just black tea (or any tea, but black is best) and processed, white sugar. Plus the weird flesh-colored disk called a Symbiotic Colony Of Bacteria and Yeast (SCOBY). You have to acquire one of those.
– We have a pet dwarf rabbit named Grey Bunny. She is 12 years old!
That’s about all I got for right now.