Queer / Trans -visibility (flannel + mullet)
Posted: March 3, 2016 Filed under: coming out, Passing | Tags: androgyny, coming out, gender, gender identity, genderqueer, lgbtq, non-binary, passing, queer, style, trans, transgender 20 CommentsWhen I first started coming out as a lesbian(?) at age 17, I was paranoid that people would be able to tell my sexual orientation just by looking at me. I suppose it didn’t concern me enough, though, to change my appearance. I had tried that in 9th and 10th grade (grew my hair out long, actually went to the mall with people and looked in the womens’ sections), and I couldn’t keep it up. I wore a lot of hoodies, a lot of flannel, saggy pants. I wore this one down vest that my mom had made when she was in college, all the time. My hair was dyed bright orange at that time; it was really short. The first person I came out to was my childhood best friend. I was totally freaked out to be talking about this out loud; I managed to ask her somewhere in there if it was obvious. This was really important to me. She probably could sense my discomfort and stretched the truth to tell me what I needed to hear. She told me no.
Later on in college, my hair styles and fashion sense got even more bold. I had fluorescent sneakers before florescent sneakers were a thing. (They were classic style Sauconys. I had one pair that had a color gradient from hot pink to yellow, and one pair that did the same thing between bright blue and purple. I sometimes wore one of each.) I started bleaching and cutting my own hair, usually into a mohawk. I only shopped at thrift stores: if the article of clothing was in the boy’s / men’s section, and it popped out on the rack, it’d probably appeal to me. I knew I enjoyed standing out, but I didn’t think of it as a queer look, specifically. So when I got a note slipped under the door of my dorm, from someone who had a crush on me (a girl!), I really questioned how she knew how I was gay. I deduced it was the teeny tiny rainbow ribbon I wore on my backpack. Because, that’s what it was there for!
When I told her about this much later, she just laughed, and I think it suddenly clicked at that point: I looked queer, and I was glad about that. And I probably always looked queer. In retrospect, that was a good thing. I was no longer mortified by the idea of that.
Trans and queer people fall everywhere within visibility spectrums, and that either does or does not match where they would ideally like to be. It is possible to control it somewhat, to experiment with clothing, mannerisms, etc., but sometimes you just are who you are, and it’s often preferable (in my mind at least) to get comfortable with that. Of course it’s not always, in the world we live in, preferable: there are issues of safety to take into consideration. But in an ideal world, it’s great to really just be able to settle back into how you naturally tend to present, whatever that looks like.
I wear a lot of flannel, and I have a mullet. Lesbian stereotypes. (Even if they are outdated), I’m not a lesbian. I just happen to like plaids and this hair style. The reason for the mullet: I don’t want to have long hair, but I do want my thin, slender, feminine neck to be framed by hair, to obscure it. It works in making me less self-conscious – I’ve had this hair style for probably over 10 years now (It morphs into a sort of mull-hawk in the summer months)… I think mullets have shifted from lesbian / 80s rocker into queer hairdo territory. OK, actually I don’t know of other people sporting mullets, but if I did, I’d see them as queer! As for flannels, those are versatile and timeless.
Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m visible as a trans-person. I would like to be, but I’m not sure what to do to increase visibility, other than wearing a teeny tiny pin on my bag (haha.) I like the idea of being visibly queer, but cringe at the thought of being seen as a lesbian. I think I’ll get to where I want to be, slowly, eventually. For now, I’ll just continue to rock this mullet and collect those flannels.
flannel, mullet
flannel, mullet
flannel, mullet
I came out to my supervisor
Posted: January 27, 2016 Filed under: coming out, Janitorial work | Tags: androgyny, coming out, gender, gender identity, genderqueer, janitors, lgbtq, manual labor, non-binary, queer, trans, transgender, work 14 CommentsI am on a roll! It feels like the end of “coming out at work” is in sight. This may have been the biggest hurdle, because it seemed the most unpredictable – I wasn’t sure how she’d react. Or rather, I could deduce how she might react at different times – I just had to make sure to pick a good time…
She had been out on medical leave for 6 weeks, and I expected there to be a transitional period when she came back. So I didn’t plan / put any pressure on myself to say anything in the foreseeable future. But once she was back, I realized it did seem to be good timing. I dreaded approaching her while she was in her office (if I could even catch her in there). It seemed so daunting to start such a conversation from scratch, but that’s exactly what I planned on doing, since we’d be in a semi-private location.
Last Wednesday, however, I was running the auto-scrubber in the cafeteria, when she came up to me to explain some extra work my co-worker and I would be doing that night. I then turned the auto-scrubber back on, but she came back to me with something else. She had some news about someone who used to teach at our school years ago. She was relating to me as another worker with history in the building, something she has never done before. Sort of, “I knew you’d remember her, so I thought I’d tell you.” It was a bonding moment, as much as seems possible between us. I realized, this is the time to tell her! We were already conversing (not a common thing) and all I have to do is segue, as opposed to start from nothing.
I said, “Oh, I’ve got two things to run by you.” I told her about surgery and needing time off first. She was totally fine with that and didn’t ask any questions. I was concerned she might. I dreaded telling her I was taking off more time, since I took so much time last year. It went so smoothly! Then I added that I have something else that is more of a long-term thing. I told her I’m changing my name and pronouns to he/him/his. That I already have, in fact, except for at work. She said that this must be a long term thing because this is the first she’s heard of it! I assured her she was one of the first people I’m telling. (I strongly suspect that she already knew something, because I came out to the head of the kitchen a couple of months ago, and they talk about everything. That may have been somewhat strategic on my part.)
The rest of the conversation centered around her advising me about what I would be able to do, when. She said I’d have to wait until I’ve legally made changes. Then I should go to the principal, and she will deal with it in her own way. I don’t believe I do need to wait until my name is legally changed (and I’m not planning to change my gender), and I think I have some say about how I come out and when, but I’m not about to jump ahead to the next steps anytime soon anyway. I told her I am going by Kameron, and she even said, “I like it.”
We wrapped up the conversation, which went so well, considering. I turned the auto-scrubber back on and could not stop smiling. I had been dreading this for so long, and it just organically occurred in the moment. I was on turbo charge for the rest of the day. In my mind, I kept jumping ahead to what I would have to do next, and then reminding myself to just be in this moment, and feel this elation that doing this thing had created.
I really can’t envision what I’ll be doing next. Which means I should just wait for a while until it seems clear. (It would be talking to the principal again – something I can tell I’m not ready for right now.)
For now – WHEEEEEEE!
Other related posts:
I came out to the head of the kitchen
I came out to my co-worker
Posted: January 7, 2016 Filed under: coming out, top surgery | Tags: coming out, ftm, gender identity, genderqueer, lgbtq, non-binary, queer, top surgery, trans, transgender, work 3 CommentsI have been coming out to my (newer) co-worker in stages, over the last year or so. At first, I just wanted him to stop calling me “honey” and “girl.” So I told him that. He asked about “brother” and “man,” and I said those were fine. He easily made that switch. I think he saw me as a butch lesbian.
He initially used to talk to me about his gay step-son, but over time, that changed into him talking about his transgender step-daughter. She is transitioning while in high-school; I can’t imagine the stress of that! My co-worker seems supportive if not a little critical about how she chooses to present herself. So, with that door opened, I’ve talked to him about how I don’t feel either male or female. He has asked if I would make medical changes, and I have been vague.
About 2 months ago, we were in the faculty lounge, and the newspaper was on the table. The front page had an article about a new radio station I was getting involved in. So I pointed it out to him and told him I’m a DJ. He was super supportive and excited, asking me how he could listen, if he could come down and check it out, what I was playing, and if I had a radio handle. I suddenly felt cornered because I don’t have a DJ name, I’m just going by Kameron, which is not the name I go by at work (yet.) But that feeling melted away into, “it will be fine to tell him.” So I did – told him I use a different name on the radio and outside of work, and I talked to him about how I would like to switch and use this name at work too, but it’s hard. I also said I go by male pronouns. He took it all in stride, more excited about the radio thing than anything else.
He has started to call me “Kam” when no one else is around. I do not promote the use of “Kam” as a nickname, but coming from him, it is endearing.
Then last week, we were talking about his step-daughter again, and I segued the conversation into how I will be getting top-surgery. (I had mentioned this once before, hypothetically, and he seemed confused, wondering if I was going bigger or smaller – because it probably seems like I have nothing there.) I figured he is one of the few people I would fill in about why I am going out of work, and the sooner I can get some of that out of the way, the better. I expressed my anxiety about telling our supervisor and about coming out at work in general. And about what to say to whom. It does feel good to be able to be open with one person at work, at least.
Yesterday, for the first time ever, I could clearly see the steps it would take to come out at work. And it felt like I could actually do this. Currently, my supervisor is out of work, so I’m not going to be doing anything about it anytime soon. I feel like talking to her is the biggest hurdle. If I could do that, the rest definitely seems do-able. Part of me wants to skip talking to her, and just let her know via email, like everyone else, but I don’t think that would be wise…
Year end / I scheduled top surgery
Posted: December 30, 2015 Filed under: coming out, Janitorial work, mental health, Testosterone, top surgery | Tags: coming out, depression, gender identity, genderqueer, lgbtq, mental health, non-binary, queer, testosterone, top surgery, trans, transgender, work 13 Comments2015 has been one of the hardest years of my life. I was majorly depressed for 4 months of it. I was moderately depressed for the vast majority of the rest of it. I was out of work for a total of 2 months due to mental health issues. I was in the hospital, and I was also in a partial hospitalization program. I did do some fun things (like camping, going to Pittsburgh, marching in the pride parade, adopting 2 cats, going to the beach 3 weekends in a row, becoming a radio DJ, seeing Sleater-Kinney) but they failed to feel like much fun. I’m only now starting to feel like myself for extended periods of time. For example, today and yesterday (but not the day before), I felt like a person in a normal mood, and that felt great. I hope tomorrow feels like that too! I started on a new medication 2 weeks ago, and I’m really hoping something clicks…
I wrote a similar post last year, and I summed up gender-related stuff this way:
“I continued to settle into a new and improved place with hormone therapy and talk therapy, but I’m finding I still have a LONG way to go until I really am where I see myself. I want to be out as non-binary in all areas of my life. I want to go by a different name. I want all the people who know me to use male pronouns in reference to me, not just most of the people… I might want top surgery…”
I made some pretty big strides – I started to go by a different name, and now all my friends and about half of my family use that name. It’s still growing on me – it feels about equally as strange as my former name feels, now, but that is actually progress. Currently it feels like neither name really is my name, but I think that’ll shift with more time.
This year I went from feeling like I might want top surgery to scheduling a date! This feels like my biggest accomplishment, based on the amount of mental headspace this topic has been taking up. I’ll be going to Dr. Rumer on June 1st. I chose this date because I purposefully want to miss certain things by being out of work. I really do not like working in the summers, and I especially have a hard time with the transition from school-year to summer. I have a lot of sick time accrued, and I plan to use a lot. Often, people can be back at a desk job 2 weeks after surgery, but since my job is so physical, I plan on being out for 8 weeks, as of now. Why not?! That’ll allow me to miss the last 3 weeks of school plus half of the summer. That would be really amazing.
So if I were to sum up gender-related stuff now, a year later, it’d look like this: I want to be out as non-binary in all areas of my life (still). I want to come out at work, so that pretty much everyone will be using my new name and male pronouns in reference to me. No more dual identities. I want to get through the ordeal of surgery without too much psychic pain (physical pain is fine). I want to wear t-shirts! I want to make up my mind about testosterone – take more? take less? go off of it? I want to legally change my name at some point…
These are not resolutions, but it will be neat to go back and see if I made more progress or not.
Other things I’d like to focus on in the coming year:
– Getting back to being more social. Being social this year was too difficult, so I didn’t push it. I’ve been a little more talkative with teachers at work lately, and I’d like to re-connect with some people, both locally and through writing letters to far-away friends.
– Enjoying the summer. I never enjoy the summer – I usually get depressed. But since I’ll be most likely out of work for half of it, maybe I’ll feel it more. I’d like to do a road trip, more time at the beach for sure, maybe some backyard fires, weatherproof our picnic table and actually use it, and go on walks.
– Taking more photos. My dad gave me a new camera for my birthday/xmas, and I want to use it!
– Giving myself a break. I’ve been pretty hard on myself, and I’m going to try not to be (as much).
I came out to the head of the kitchen at my school (workplace)
Posted: November 30, 2015 Filed under: coming out | Tags: coming out, gender, gender identity, genderqueer, lgbtq, non-binary, queer, school, top surgery, trans, transgender, work 5 CommentsAbout 7 months ago, I came out to the principal at school. She asked me what she could do, and at the time I said nothing right now, but eventually I’d like to send out an email and go by a new name and male pronouns. I still cannot foresee when this email might happen, but I did get myself one step closer a couple of weeks ago.
I was filling in for my supervisor (working during the day while school is in session) and so I had some time to drink coffee in the kitchen and stuff. About a year ago, I told the head of the kitchen that I was getting testosterone from my doctor (because I was leaving to go to an appt. that day), and that I don’t feel like either a man or a woman. She didn’t say much at the time, but it felt pretty exhilarating to tell her anyway. She was also the first person at work I told I was getting married. One week before the date. I barely see her unless we’re working together over the summer, but over the years and years and years, I feel somewhat close to her, closer than anyone else probably.
So we were sitting drinking coffee, and this was around the time I was going to be taking a day off to travel outside of Philly to go to a consultation for top surgery. We were talking about the time off my co-worker was taking, so I just said that I’m taking a day off and I told her why. At first she was surprised and asked me why I would be getting surgery (she might have thought I had breast cancer?). I explained that I don’t like my chest the way it is, and I talked to her again about how I don’t feel like either a man or a woman. We talked about what she’d do if she did have breast cancer, and we talked about people who have gotten breast reductions. I then told her I’d like to go by male pronouns and a new name at work, but I’m just not there yet. She said, “Well you need to do what will make you comfortable.” Then a teacher came in needing something, so the conversation was over. But I was pretty much in disbelief I was able to tell her all this. It wasn’t premeditated like talking to the principal was. And she seemed to react positively.
Normally at work, I don’t see her because our shifts overlap by only about a half hour, and I don’t really have a reason to go say hi every day. But a couple of days after my trip, she came and found me and asked me about how it went. It made me feel really good – I did not expect a follow-up. I told her the out of town consultation went really well, and the one with the local surgeon did not go well. She name dropped a local plastic surgery practice that might do what I’m looking for, and I found out later through a facebook group that some trans-guys have gone to one of the plastic surgeons. Not sure whether I would pursue that or not, but it was nice she was thinking of me.
I’m not sure what’s holding me back from coming out at work, exactly, but it does feel like these spontaneous conversations are just more natural than a mass coming out email would be. I still think the email is necessary because I can’t talk to every person (or even more than a couple), but it just feels daunting…
Outdated trans programs pt. 2
Posted: October 2, 2015 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: children, coming out, ftm, gender, gender identity, hormone replacement therapy, lgbt, lgbtq, Oprah, queer, raising children, testosterone, trans, transgender 10 CommentsMy partner and I uncovered a video I had gotten while in a support group about 10 years ago – a collection of trans-related TV programs from the late 90s / early 2000s. We’ve been spacing it out, watching some of it each weekend.
The first weekend, we watched The Discovery Channel’s “Changing Sexes.” It was appalling.
Last weekend, we watched an Oprah show from 2004 about transgender children. Surprisingly, it was so well done that it felt relevant and spot on, for children today, more than 10 years later. Oprah made some blunders in terminology and wording (“transgenders,” “When you grow up, what? You want to officially have an operation?” “Children who suffer from gender confusion”), but other than that, the tone was surprisingly respectful.
The show focused on 3 families:
Kaden, an 11 year old FTM trans-person, and his mom.
Dylan, a 5 year old child who strongly feels he is a girl, and his parents.
Hal, a 9 year old FTM trans-person, and his parents.
Kaden’s story focused on how horrific it was to start puberty, his social transition, and how hard it’s been for his mom, although she is supportive. His mom talked about him being able to take further steps, (hormones and surgery), when he’s 18. I found this video and article on Huffington Post – a Where Are They Now from 2013, where Kaden is 20. He ended up getting to start testosterone at age 14 and get top surgery at 16. He seems happy.
Dylan’s story focused on the tension between the parents and between Dylan and his dad. His mom is fine with his son’s preferences and who he might turn out to be. She will buy him dolls and engage in discussions about how he feels he is a girl. His dad does not approve, and there is already a big rift in his relationship with his son. The parents fight about it. The dad stated, “I discipline him.” Things seemed skewed in a way in which the dad was demonized. Dylan was not on the show, but he was shown backstage, happily coloring.
Next, a gender therapist talked about the best practices in how to handle a child going through this. To just be there for the child and love them no matter what. And it might be a phase; it might not – and that’s OK. She claimed that about 1/3 of children grow out of it, 1/3 grow up to be gay, and 1/3 grow up to be trans. I wonder if these statistics hold up?
Hal’s story focused on how open and accepting his parents were, after he verbalized suicidal ideation at 6 years old. His parents claimed that Hal can make his own choices about his path, when he is ready. They talked about difficult moments, and Hal was kind of put on the spot. At 9 years old, I think he was too young to be on the show, talking about his story. He was crying through it. That was hard to watch.
Lastly, a MTF trans-adult came on the air to talk about her life path and how much easier it could have been if she had been able to transition at a younger age. Instead, her doctors were suggesting a lobotomy, and her family was seriously considering it. Luckily they didn’t go through with it, and she grew up as male, had a family (is now divorced but it seems amicable) and is living more authentically now.
This show touched ever so briefly on heavy issues, but shied away each time. Hate crimes were brought up. Homelessness. Suicide rates. Racism. Class issues amongst the families could have been explored. Oprah tends to focus on the positives, which is definitely doing a disservice. But in terms of talking about what kids need, she directed the conversations in the right directions.
The show closed with Dylan’s dad proclaiming that he is now going to go buy his son some dolls when he leaves. When Oprah asked why, he said, “Life is more important.”
Stay tuned for part 3: A&E The Transgender Revolution from 1998.
2.5 years on T without noticeable masculinizing changes
Posted: September 18, 2015 Filed under: Testosterone | Tags: Androgel, androgyny, coming out, gender, gender identity, genderqueer, hormone replacement therapy, lgbt, lgbtq, non-binary, queer, testosterone, trans, transgender 4 CommentsIt’s strange to stick to this same title, “without noticeable masculinizing changes,” because lately, I have started to aim for masculinizing changes. But it still fits because nothing of note has changed yet. About 6 weeks ago, I doubled my dose. I’d like to see my face change shape, and I’d like my voice to drop. Ultimately, I’d like for strangers to gender me as “male,” as the default, instead of “female.” At least more than half of the time. As of now it’s maybe 10% of the time. We’ll see. So far all I’ve noticed is more acne… Oh, also some beginnings of a “happy trail,” which I’ve always hoped to have!
So I’ve jumped from 1 pump of 1.62% to 2 pumps. I might even go up to 3 pumps just to see. Alternately, I might stop all together, just to see. I have my whole life to be on testosterone or not be on testosterone, and now that I’m finally starting to feel more mentally stable again, I’m just kind of really curious.
Here are some other posts from this series, to fill in more information:
2.25 years on T
1.5 years on T
1 year on T
5 months on T
As of now, I feel more sure about other transitional steps than I ever have before. I just can’t seem to get there yet. I feel sure about legally changing my name and about top surgery. And I can imagine some first steps. I just can’t wrap my head around implementing them. A part of me feels like this attitude is a hold-over from feeling so unstable for so long. Not a good time to pursue permanent changes. Just wait for more forward momentum to kick in naturally. A part of me wonders if I should just push myself to get the ball rolling, and positive feelings about it will follow. Right now, I just feel scared. And I guess I’ll sit with that. I don’t think it will last forever. I reached a tipping point with testosterone. (That one, in my mind, felt comparatively easy, I guess!) There’s no reason I won’t reach that point with other changes. I don’t want to force it.
The newest change is that my mom told extended family about my new name (super grateful to her), and people (almost everyone) were using it at a recent family gathering. This felt really validating and also alarming(?) I guess would be the word? I have to say that I’m still alarmed by my new name. It still feels like, “is that me?” I definitely still feel like I have to change it, and if I were to go by a new name, that would be it. There is no better name. But I guess ultimately I feel like, why couldn’t the name I’m used to just have worked out. (I’m super slow to warm up to change – if it’s not obvious.) This tells me that it’s not quite time to pursue legally changing my name. There will be a time – it’s just not yet.
To conclude, here are some face shots:
Do I ever feel like I’m “not trans enough”?
Posted: August 17, 2015 Filed under: coming out | Tags: androgyny, coming out, gender, gender identity, genderqueer, lgbtq, non-binary, queer, society, trans, transgender, transition, work 5 CommentsYep.
In some specific ways, and not at all in other ways. No one has ever told me that I’m not trans enough, but if they did, that just wouldn’t resonate at all. No one should be policing others’ lived experiences in any way. Being trans doesn’t mean you have to fulfill A, B, and C. If you identify as trans, you get to identify as trans!
The first time I really seriously considered that I was trans was in January of 2002. I went to an event at my college, and wrote in my journal afterward,
“Tonight I went to a presentation on transgender rights, mainly because I barely know what transgender means let alone the politics of the subject.
This would be the entry where I write about how I liked being called Tough Guy by drunk people, and how I liked it when this drunk guy mumbled that I look like a boy.
I guess … I am trans.
Apparently, transgender is much broader than I thought, and there are many cases of discrimination that I was not aware of. I’d like to learn more about this.”
After that, I never really looked back, re-evaluated my identity, or hesitated to call myself trans. Even when some friends around me started to shift from identifying as “genderqueer,” to identifying as “FTM” and started transitioning. Even when I was the only one in this support group who was not actively transitioning or planning to ASAP. Even when I attended a social group called “Guys’ Night Out” despite not being sure I was “one of the guys.” They were all trans, and I also was (am) trans.
I’ve gone to a handful of local trans-related events, some political, some social, and some creative. I haven’t walked away feeling an affinity with the people in the space, but that really has nothing to do with gender identity. My inability to connect with other trans people in real life is not because I’m not trans enough. It’s because I’m not social enough. I wish I could connect more, but I’m not pushing myself right now.
I am very secure in my transhood.
However, when you throw societal views into the mix, it gets tricky (sticky, icky). The biggest example of this for me is work. If I were trans enough, I would be out at work, and I would transition. It would be difficult, but it’d be relatively straightforward. Since I’m in this in-between land (which I strongly feel is where I fit), I’m in this limbo at work (and out in public as well). I have come out to the principal of my school (workplace), but have made no further efforts. Because I do not feel trans enough to ask for changes.
I just feel like typing that again – I do not feel trans enough to ask for changes, at work or in public. No one at work uses my preferred name or pronouns. I haven’t asked them to. My friends and community are behind me 100% – everyone has been amazing with my recent social name change. Family is trickier, but they all do know. What do I do about work though? Maybe I wait till I have legally changed my name. Maybe I talk further with the principal to figure out a plan. I do feel she would support me. As of now, I’m doing nothing, indefinitely…
Every day at work, I talk in a relatively high pitch (for me). Then I get in my car and talk to myself or sing in my (newer) lower register. Why don’t I talk that way at work? I can’t really answer that.
Not everyone is as supportive or knowledgeable as my friends and community. I went to a meeting recently, and we all went around and introduced ourselves. I included my preferred pronouns in my introduction. The person across from me scoffed. I felt not trans enough. Not trans enough for mainstream society, at this time.
I wonder will this change in my lifetime? And if not really, can I at least contribute in some really small ways to small changes around me? Can I at least get everyone in all the bubbles I occupy (this means work and out and about in public) on board? I think that I can, but it’s going to take me a lot longer than I’d like.
“Passing” at church
Posted: July 3, 2015 Filed under: Passing | Tags: androgyny, anniversary, coming out, family, gender, gender identity, genderqueer, lgbtq, non-binary, passing, queer, trans, transgender 2 CommentsI don’t go to church, but I made an exception last Sunday for my grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary. My family surprised them there and attended service with them, then we took a drive to the church they were married at to take some photos, and then we went out to a fancy lunch.
It was awesome to see their surprise. And to meet some of the congregation. I realized I never see my grandparents outside of a family context, so it was novel and exciting to see them interacting with their church people and see them being celebrated by the entire church.
One congregant in particular was super outgoing and came over to introduce herself before the service started. She went down the row of where we were in the pew, and we all introduced ourselves. When she got to me, she asked, “Is this a grandson?” And my grandma replied, “Granddaughter,” even though I have told her (and my whole family) how I identify. This lady didn’t seem to catch that or care, and when I told her my name (the name I’m using with family, for now), she heard something different which was fine by me!
She came back after the service and pressed some more. She said,
“I think I’ve met you before! Were you with him [pointing to my uncle] outside of Dick’s Sporting Goods one time? I definitely remember that.”
“No, I don’t think I ever was,” I replied.
We went back and forth a little more until it got cleared up that it was actually my adult male cousin who had been with my uncle. (We look nothing alike, he’s big and has huge muscles and facial hair, but I thought it was pretty awesome!)
It’s strange that these occurrences never seem to fluster my family members (maybe they’re uncomfortable on the inside though) yet they can’t seem to integrate how I identify (and how I’m sometimes seen by others) with how they interact with me. Some of them are trying though – three in particular are consistently using male pronouns while the rest of the family responds with female pronouns. Maybe there will be a critical mass at some point where the tables turn. I hope…
janitorqueer 